Monthly Archive for October, 2009

Literary Spiders Necklace by geelizzie

Published on October 29, 2009 in Collage sheets and General. 0 Comments

I was chuffed to bits to spot this wicked cool pendant created by geelizzie using one of my collage sheets. I love feeling like I’m part of a collaborative artistic process – it’s one of my favourite things about Etsy.

I’ve done a whole whack of new collage sheets recently – luckily my husband has been VERY PATIENT with my endless, endless, endless clickity-clicking on my laptop every evening. I swear I’m starting to dream in Photoshop. Here are a couple of my favourites – check out my Etsy shop for details.

Vintage Ladies in Corsets

Vintage Alphabet

Moons and Stars

Law & Order Roundup

Published on October 21, 2009 in General. 0 Comments Tags: fairy tales, Reviews.

Law & Order: Original Flavour
I do love me some Classic L&O. I love the reassuring CHUN-CHUNNN! of procedural justice. I love the eternally cresting wave of Jerry Orbach’s hair. I love S. Epatha Merkerson’s pursed-lips, arms-folded Get Shit Done look and Sam Waterston’s nearly sentient eyebrows. The plots can be formulaic, but I find that strangely soothing (uh oh – the DA’s case has broken down over legal minutiae! Guess the detectives will have to go back and re-examine the evidence from a different angle! And…commercial break). I like the accessible way the storylines explore the ambiguities of the legal system. I can watch L&O:OF for hours on end and not get bored. Long may it reign.

However…

Law & Order: Special Ratings Unit
Otherwise known as Law & Order: Extra Rapey. In a word: sigh. I will admit that I do often watch it. But…SIGH. This show is such an obvious attempt to cash in on the success of L&O:OF by boosting the sensationalism (Rapists and Incest and Paedos – oh my!) and focusing more on the personal lives of the detectives. On paper this sounds fine: I’m always up for a storyline involving bigamist cult leaders, boo-yeah! BUT. The series falls down on three points: 1) Mariska Hargitay, 2) Christopher Meloni, and 3) Ice T.

1) Mariska Hargitay. I’ve read good reviews of Hargitay’s performance as Olivia Benson, but to be honest, I find her a great big meh. She has her Hard-Ass Detective Voice, and her Breathy Sympathy Voice (for use on Victims of Trauma), and that’s it. And judging by her range of facial expressions, I think she may have fallen head-first into a vat of Botox. (Mee-YOW! It’s like I’m channelling a drag queen!)

2) Christopher Meloni. Elliot Stabler is supposed to be a ‘loose cannon’ – an ex-[army something] tough guy who has a tendency to THINK WITH HIS FISTS. Rrr! He is also a troubled family man who tends to emotionally identify young victims with his own children, and….zzzzzZZZZZZZZ. Sorry, I was just lulled to sleep there for a second by the soothing drone of all those clichés flocking together. Christopher Meloni conveys the barely-contained intensity of his character by…squinting. And clenching his jaw. A lot. Ho hum.

3) Ice T. I used to sort of fancy Ice T, when he was fronting Body Count. But I fear he has expanded his repertoire beyond the limits of his talents. He delivers every single line in the exact same Pimp-Ass Mofo monotone. Whatever he’s supposed to be saying (“I’ll check his phone records and see if anything jumps out”), his tone of voice says “I’m on pop a cap in yo ass.” I’ve seen more emotive range from a waffle iron.

SIGH.

Law & Order: Criminal Intent
Can’t be bothered to watch it. If there’s nothing else on, I’ll sort of half pay attention to Vincent D’Onofrio doing his weird Ode to Columbo (“Oh – just one more thing…”), but the show has never really caught my attention. I might watch now that Jeff Goldblum has signed on though. I’ve always been fond of his overbite.

Here’s another new collage. This one is based on the Frog Prince fairy tale…

The frog answered, “I do not care for your clothes, your pearls and jewels, nor for your golden crown, but if you will love me and let me be your companion and play-fellow, and sit by you at your little table, and eat off your little golden plate, and drink out of your little cup, and sleep in your little bed – if you will promise me this I will go down below, and bring you your golden ball up again.” (Read the story here)

Sucker with a capital SUCK

Published on October 13, 2009 in Tutorials. 1 Comment Tags: dogs.

I’m a big fat sucker, with a capital SUCK, for animal charities. Show me a picture of a sad-looking homeless dog sitting in the rain, or a sad-looking donkey with too many sticks loaded on his back, or a sad-looking battery chicken (insomuch as a chicken can express emotion of any sort), or a sad-looking lemur who has had a tough day at the office, or a sad-looking rat who has missed his bus, and I will immediately fall to my knees, weeping and holding out my wallet in mute supplication. At last count I regularly donate to at least five animal charities: the usual official-sounding acronym ones (RSPCA, WSPA, E-I-E-I-O, whatever), Animal Aid (whoever they are – they send me their magazine every once in a while, but I’m too afraid to open it in case there are pictures inside of suffering animals that will cause me to spontaneously hemorrhage my life’s savings), a mare and foal sanctuary in Devon, and some place called ‘The Alternative Animal Sanctuary’, which randomly started sending me appeals in the post (obviously I’m on some sort of Official Sucker List) that were so touchingly low-rent, all Comic Sans font and poor grammar and blurry off-centre mugshots of various needy animals, that I couldn’t not send them money. Which is insane, because ordinarily Comic Sans font and bad grammar make me scream and claw at my eyes and spew vitriol like Mount Etna. But when they are deployed in the name of animal welfare, my heart just wells over with pity. Those poor deprived animals, they just don’t know that Comic Sans font has NO PLACE IN THIS WORLD anywhere except children’s birthday party invitations, and even then only for ugly children whose parents don’t love them! I must send them money! Money for fonts!

My most recent sucking-in has been to sponsor a dog with Dogs Trust. (They ran an advert during a new rescue-themed episode of The Dog Whisperer, those bastards, when I was already all weepy and overflowing with dog-pity. Talk about kicking me when I’m down.) I now pay £4 a month to sponsor a rescue dog. I would have been happy just to cough up the four quid every month and know it was going to a dog rescue charity, but the whole point of the ‘sponsorship’ scheme is to make middle-class folks feel good about themselves by letting them know EXACTLY how their money is helping, right? So I got a profile and a letter ‘from’ the dog I sponsored (she likes bacon treats and riding in the car! Go figure!) and an invitation to write to her whenever I like. Yeesh. You know, just because I’m fond of animals doesn’t mean I’m a halfwit who thinks that dogs can read. I did enjoy the free fridge magnet though. So cute!

Here’s a new collage I did tonight…it makes me think of ghost stories about drowned women. Because I am such a cheerful sort.

Don Cherry, you daft racist

Published on October 5, 2009 in Collage sheets. 0 Comments Tags: canada.

Heads up for a bit of Canadian culture! Don Cherry, as the canucks among you will know, is an institution. He’s been presenting Hockey Night In Canada since dinosaurs first roamed the earth on skates. Having grown up in a non-hockey-watching family, I have only vague memories of Don Cherry. I remember him being loudly dressed and a bit shouty and incoherent, but somehow I didn’t take in the fact that he is completely, utterly and irrevocably divorced from reality. If you have any love of comedy at all, hie ye hence and watch the shit out of Don Cherry’s Christmas rant on Coach’s Corner. I guarantee that it will be one of the most puzzling and diverting six minutes of your life. Here’s my listy breakdown of the best bits:

1. “We love Santa, but let’s not be silly.” (0:55)
2. Ron MacLean’s carefully blank expression. How that man has kept a straight face all these years I do not know. He should be knighted or something. (1.40-2.51)
3. “He broke the code! He broke the code!” (1.44)
4. Don’s total inability to sit still and be quiet when Ron finally manages to get a word in edgewise. He looks like he’s about to explode and scatter bits of insanity and red velour over a wide area. (3.05)
5. “Now let’s talk about some GOOD GUYS.” (5.47)
6. “SHOW THE NEXT ONE!” (5.58)

And if you enjoyed that (and who wouldn’t???), you might also enjoy Don complaining about how women at hockey games are always ruining things for everyone by getting hit in the face by the puck. God bless your crazy, crazy bigoted soul, Don Cherry!

Here are a few new collage sheets – visit my Etsy shop for purchase details.

Pretty Birds – images measure 3.5”x2.5”, ideal for ATC/ACEOs