1. Edward James Olmos has been in two roles featuring sentient mutinous humanoid robots referred to as ‘skin jobs’ (Battlestar Galactica and Blade Runner). Catherine Keener has been in two films where the first words on the soundtrack are songs beginning with a count-in (“One, two, three four…”) (Friends With Money and Please Give, both directed by Nicole Holofcener). These are the kinds of things my brain decides to keep hold of. And yet I can’t parallel park.
2. I am on board with pretty much all of your British comedy. This country may no longer have an empire, a manufacturing industry, a viable economy, a strong presence on the international stage, or a hope in hell of ever winning another World Cup, but it is still the funniest nation on the planet, and I stand by that.
However. I do not understand the national fixation on Only Fools And Horses. The frickin’ show is beloved – BELOVED – and I do not get it. I mean, I get it, but I don’t like it. The jokes are hacky and obvious and I’m sorry but David Jason is just annoying. Why does every British person love it so much?? I DON’T UNDERSTAND.
Here is Stewart Lee, the best of all possible comedians, having an existential crisis about the fact that ‘Del Boy falling through the bar’ is consistently voted the funniest thing that has ever been on television. Stewart Lee knows what I’m talking about.
(For the record, I can’t stand A Touch Of Frost either. Go away, David Jason.)
3. On Saturday morning I am off on my first proper holiday in…wow. So long I can’t remember. I guess since that time I went camping in Scotland and the tent blew away, which the jury is still out on whether that can be termed a ‘proper’ holiday. I’ll be spending two weeks with my family on Vancouver Island, my first trip back to Canada in six years.
SIX YEARS! I’m trying to remember how to talk like a North American. I don’t want to get funny looks because of my foppish Anglicised speechifyin’, so I must remember that “vitamins” has a long i and “yoghurt” has a long o and that it is “four thirty” not “half four” and I must not say “that was a doddle” about things that are easy, or even worse, “that was a piece of piss”. And speaking of urine-based slang, what is the Canadian equivalent of “taking the piss”?? “Having me on” just isn’t as much fun to say…